i like my steak like i like my sex. i need to fuck something. i always need to fuck something.

i only fuck raw. i dont care if the guy im fucking is on prep or not. i dont care if i get hiv or even if it develops to aids. at worst, i do get hiv, which i get tested regularly for, and then upon that instance i take antiretroviral pills and get my level down to undetectable. or i die, which given the current political climate, wouldnt seem that bad. but modern medicine is really a wonder. and anyway, i take prep. i am not a bug chaser, but whatever, i dont yuck yums.

when i was younger i was talking to an older man online who desperately wanted to cum inside me. i was nervous, of course, having been taught of the heavenly glories of abstinence and having an equally hard time repressing memories of my pathetic, balding sex ed teacher. i expressed this nervousness to the online man, and he said something to the effect of:

“im on prep. as long as one of us is, who cares? i know i dont have it, and cant get it. as long as you dont already have it, youre fine.”

that was enough for me, and if im being truthful, i still find that to be sound logic. the great thing about being a gay man in the modern day is that hiv is a thing of the past. more straight people transmit hiv then gay people as of a few months ago, which belies their inherently vile and dirty heterosexual nature. gay people, however, are not dirty and vile. gay people are intelligent. at the end of the day, this is how things are: the desire to cum inside your partner (or to be came inside of, if you are the one getting fucked) is the singlemost important biological imperative of the human race. equally, it is the singlemost important biological imperative of many animals on the planet earth, and likely any intelligent life that exists on other planets. we, as human beings, can rationalize this urge in any number of ways, and we certainly do, but we cannot avoid that the pleasure we derive from sex is, at its core, a way to make people enjoy procreating so they continue to fuck, even after realizing that a side affect of getting your nut is a child. children are bills that last twenty two years–before the new millennium, it was only eighteen.

and this is the way that gay people are intelligent. we humans are desperately craving our nut. desperately craving to fertilize. for a long time probably, humans were able to fuck each other without any trouble. we probably ran around in the woods and got hard when we saw a woman bathing in a waterfall through the lush trees of the jungle, and the masculine hunter would surface from the treeline, the gentle gatherer washing her hair, and he would come into the water and put himself upon her, and she would like it, she would more than like it, and they sweatily hump on the banks of some water feature like teens sneaking into a mini golf course at night.

and sometime in the course of history this all got fucked up. some prehistoric incel was unable to get the attention of a woman, and decided that some cattle, or a sheep, would perfectly suffice. or, perhaps he was not an incel, and rather a pervert (which in this instance is derogatory) who got off on the idea of fucking animals. animals, of course, cannot consent. and so this incel/pervert fucked the cattle/sheep and probably came inside it and then pulled out, shook off his dick, pissed in a bush, and walked home thinking he had the afterglow of a real man, not the pathetic facsimile of a man created by someone who literally fucks animals.

however, this man unintentionally doomed a large number of future humans to painful and shame infested deaths for crimes they did not commit. they, like you or i or anyperson, simply wanted to fill their biological needs, and fucked the incel/pervert, or perhaps accidentally mingled blood in a fist fight, and they come away with the echoes of the cattle/sheep. it festered within them, and they gave it to others, through some combination of fucking or fighting, and now we have to put posters about syphilis and gonorrhea in high school bathrooms.

and those diseases were horrible, and killed people. a fair deal of people. i dont know how much, but certainly enough that it is a problem. and then, sometime, in the early part of a twentieth century, some douchebag decided that his move for the night was to fuck a chimpanzee.

before i go on, i want to clarify a point; i place all the blame in these situations on men, because men are undoubtedly worse than women in nearly every way. i idolize women. women are superior in every way to men. they have far more equanimity, they are more intelligent, more loving, everything. misogyny is a curse that will destroy civilization. men are designed to kill and fuck. women are designed to fuck and care.

anyway. in the early part of the twentieth century this guy fucks a chimp. he contracts hiv. he fucks more people. they contract hiv. his hiv becomes aids. he dies. everyone he fucked fucks more people. they contract hiv. their hiv becomes aids. they die. everyone they fucked fucks more people, and so on and so forth until hiv is ravaging the gay communities across the world. hiv kills some of the greatest minds of the twentieth century. artists, writers,

performers–all dead.

and straight people decide that because of the high frequency of hiv and aids among gay men, hiv and aids must be caused by homosexuality, or at least related. hiv/aids was originally called grid, or gay related infectious disease. as any high school statistics teacher will tell you, however, correlation does not necessarily equal causation. and instead of exercising any degree of intellect, straight people, lead of course by the human paragon of evil (ronald reagan), assume that gay men cannot even be touched for fear of hiv and aids.

this created a dynamic of this which cannot happen to me says the heterosexual. but this is the way that gay people are intelligent. they make medicine, they learn, they adapt. they glean from the stories of their elders and change their behaviors, and like the truest human urge, they want to have raw sex that will not kill them. and they made it work so that it is possible. modern medicine is amazing. the straight people, however, keep fucking and think only of pregnancy, not of sexually transmitted disease. sexually transmitted diseases are punishments reserved for faggots in the minds of the heterosexual. gay people will never be venerated for fighting a losing battle, but perhaps one day straight people will be seen as the monsters they are. one day all straight people will fester in the world they created and leak green discharge. and i will grow pansies in my garden.

anyway, how do you like your steak?

Camden Hunt is a writer from Newport News, Virginia, currently living in Boston, Massachusetts.
You can find him at camdencamdencamden.com